Reinvent of The Haven..

2011

2011-05-31T15:49:00.001+08:00

like the header says.
Banishing the old and ignite the new.

i reopened this blog hoping to locate someone.
LD.

For the rest of the blog posts in which contained memories.
Fuck off.

return

2009-08-18T22:57:00.000+08:00

how would i bear to leave you.
without you.
there isn't much fun to pick up the pieces.

what am i thINKing?

2008-12-22T04:10:00.000+08:00

3rd , 4th jan , town , "what am i thINKing?"
=) lookout and you'll know.

My mind speaks...

2008-12-12T02:47:00.002+08:00

lol...
believe it.

The Hand That Feeds.

2008-11-12T05:33:00.001+08:00

My Mind Speaks A Breath.

2008-11-06T20:21:00.003+08:00

Ah.
it's easier to breathe without pollution.

it's not hard to figure out things at times.

it just takes a little to act it out.

if it makes someone a happier person ,
why not?
since i've always been someone useless to you anyways , what difference does it make anyways? =)

since the line is clear.
i doubt i'd see anymore redundant comments.

anyways moving on..
Opeth - Bleak.
waiting for it to be played.
can't wait to work in rome with Spartak family again.
one of the best times ever spent.
Congrats Bro.
Happy for you that you've finally reached the point you've been waiting all these years.
glad to assist you.
Vaffanculo!!!!!!!!
=D cheers - thINK

My Mouth Speaks..Trips..

2008-10-30T06:10:00.001+08:00

London & Rome..
best times i've ever experienced..
Thank you..
i hope there's more to come..

The Story Of Maya..Began?

2008-09-19T05:50:00.002+08:00

My Madness Speaks Mouth.

2008-09-18T02:54:00.002+08:00

madness running.
madness intruding..
madness taking over me..
madness taking OVER ME!!!!!!!!

A...
A....
A.....

this madness is TAKING OVER ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!
TAKING OVER!!!!!!!!

WITHIN THIS INSANITY!!!!!!!!!
I LIVE WITHIN THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this madness is taking over me..
this madness is taking over me..
this madness has taken over me...

A..
A...
A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this madness is taking over me..
this madness is..
this madness has...

My Mouth Speaks My Mouth.

2008-09-13T06:00:00.002+08:00

it's so near.
but my mind is so far back.
things are changing.
i'm slowly getting out of this mist.
People are getting clearer to look at.
is it my vision?
or is it just this world?
is this world that fucked up because my mind illusions it this way?
or is it the truth?

i don't really care.
things are getting better.
but this hatred and sorrow still lingers within.
what is missing?
what is this missing?
is it me?
i ponder what's wrong.
when everything's gone wrong.
so much hatred within me.
so easy to trigger this hate.
i feel dead.
pretty much really dead.
my body's survivin on passion.

it's only what keeps me moving.

My Mouth Speaks Missing.

2008-08-28T14:07:00.001+08:00

Crimson went missing.
And still intends to be missed.

will be back.

My Mouth Speaks A Home..

2008-08-02T08:12:00.000+08:00

i do not deny i am living my dream now.
but i still do yearn for a home..
a place i call home..

i just want to sleep.
i just want a place call home...

it's never coming true..

right?

My Mouth Speaks Look Back!

2008-07-26T03:12:00.002+08:00

you know..
as i look back and read my posts...
have i really grown up?
or am i still that kid dwelling within self pity?

"ambition : to be a tattoo artist"

i remember i read that somewhere while cruising along my old posts.

hahahaha..
dreams do come true sometimes.
it's one of the things i ever asked for in life..

i believe i've grown..
but still whining the same shit..
but hey..
when i read back..
i laugh at myself with all that trivial shit i used to be upset about
since i have bigger and more serious probs now..

i've grown..
ain't young anymore..
it's things like these that make you think..
dwell..
ponder..

GeeEeEeEee
so much have changed..
so many people i've met..
from a nerd..
to someone like me now..(though still a nerd but do NOT look like it)

i am glad this blog is a form of a personal diary..
not much like to read it..
but i write it for myself..
for YOU(you peeps know who you are)
and..
for the future me to read it..
as i am typing this..
the future me might just be reading past this..

so many people to meet..
i'm glad..
Teacher brought life to my selfless death again..
i am glad.
Thanks.
so many people to thank..
i love you guys..
thanks..

i've figured relation isn't my thing..
i'll just wait for Miss A.
which will never come true..
BUT!
hey man.
when good passes your life..
cherish it.(in more than one ways *winks)

i ain't letting no relation drag my career down..
i wanna play!
woot!

My Mind Speaks Why?

2008-07-10T02:58:00.001+08:00

have been in very bad mood swings lately.
very frustrated at the littlest things.
without a reason?
maybe its the sleep.
haven't had a proper one.
fuck.

My Mind Speaks Sadistic Desires.

2008-07-02T03:46:00.002+08:00

once upon a time.
people used to say the happiest moments are priceless.
to live life with happiness so when it comes to the end..
you look back and smile.

fuck all that i'd say.
the happiest moments never come cheap.
and your life only begins the moment you hang your neck
unto the slipknot you've tied to your ceiling and it ends the moment you stop breathing.
altogether?
your life is worth bout 10 secs at most.

and that was quoted by a good thai friend of Elson's.
somehow i find it true.
very very true.

life isn't bout living in it.
it's bout what you've lived through it.
life only happens when you've finally lived through it.
death is a new life.

admit it.
love is the new hate.
hate is the new life.
in life you'll always need someone to hate.
maybe i've overdone that point that i'm failing so badly in love.
but nevertheless.
it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
i can't commit as much.

maybe thats why rejections seem to be the new yes.

rejections and failures.
they are what makes a person stronger.

but i'm just not ready for that.
affected is what i am now.

My Mouth Speaks...a leg na.

2008-07-01T17:14:00.002+08:00

i think i should just stop before it consumes me.again.
i should just stop.

My Mind..

2008-06-22T04:01:00.002+08:00

this sudden explosion of momentum releases this extreme aura of emotionless pain.
i do not know what happen.
all i have in my mind is..
Tattoos and music.
i've lost all endurance for relations and the pleasure the heart asks for..
i've long forgotten what's a relationship.
was it long?
maybe it was only 1 year ago.
it seemed eternity.
i've forgotten the feeling of holding a female's hand.
i've forgotten what's a kiss..
i've forgotten the satisfaction of seeing one's smile.

all i remember..
is the feeling of holding a tattoo machine..
the feeling of ink..
the satisfaction of a client's smile..

i am happy this way..
rejections suddenly do not hurt anymore..

i do not wish to give a fuck.
i can't give a fuck.
i simply do not give a fuck bout it.

i've spent my fair share of slit wrists during my youth.
whereas other's were happily partying.

it's my turn to party now..
my passion..

My Mouth Speaks Thai.

2008-05-25T10:49:00.002+08:00

oh ho.
i miss thailand na.
very very much.

My Mind Speaks ...Awake.

2008-05-14T07:34:00.001+08:00

i've not slept yet..
i think i am going to die one day very soon due to lack of sleep..
fucking insomnia.

dammit.

My Mind Speaks Issues..

2008-05-11T03:36:00.001+08:00

i have issues..
and i can't help it..
i have serious issues.
and i think i should die to cure it.

My Mind Speaks...

2008-05-06T04:09:00.002+08:00

you know..
sometimes just when you think no one is ever there..
someone pops up..
it's true..
no one can ever fucking feel you..
but..
sometimes the presence of a company is just enough..

sometimes understanding your pain silently is better than feeling you..

but..
remember..
just when you're about to think..no one's ever there...

there's someone always there for you..
waiting to understand you.

My Mind Speaks ...Thanks..

2008-05-06T03:33:00.003+08:00

Though my life is seems fuckin miserable and though IT IS.
i still really would love to give my thanks and sincere gratitude to certain close friends of mine.
even though you guys will never understand me but you guys are there.
and you guys are still here.
thank you babes.
i love you guys to the bits.

there are a few more people whom i wish to thank but it's rather inconvenient for me to speak of names and post pictures here..
one is definitely my teacher..
second is some BIMBO.
third is mr-fucker.
and last..
my grandfather.

love you guys to the bits.
thanks.

My Mind Speaks ...Money.

2008-04-29T02:13:00.002+08:00

Everything has a price..
even price itself..

whenever i have some cash on me..
it comes with ultimate bad luck..

when this bad luck comes..
it makes me like shit..
it really feels like shit..
my whole mind is like a scrabble game now..
everything everywhere..
things that were in place..is now all over..

my mind and emotions' in such a big mess now..
what can i do...
everything's screwing up.
i just wish i could end it all sometimes..
i am not a coward..
but like i said..
i am just really tired of all these..
how many times must this happen?
how many dejavus must i have?
i've learnt my lesson..
but why is it happening again and again?

i wish to drift into a world of the medieval..
where simplicity is happiness..
now my passion is damaged by my own hands..
what the fuck is wrong with me?

i hate myself more and each day passes.
this hatred..
this hatred..
but where can i bring my tears to?

"a hero's life is only eternal if it ends in a battlefield."

i hate money..
i seriously do..

but i can't live without it..
i want a home.
i want to sleep.
i want to end..
i do not wish to think further..
yes..
call me a coward if you wish...
though a mind controls it all..
a heart can only take that much..
what the fuck is wrong with me?
what the fuck is wrong with me?

what is happiness?
what is the happiness that i desire now?
death i suppose?
yes no..
but maybe so..
just maybe..
but yet..
so many things undone..
i won't go peacefully..
i think i'm born to slave...
not for humans..
but for money and my life..
i cannot seek out a single drop of happiness out of it..
it's destined..
i cannot hide it..

My Mind Speaks... useless thoughts.

2008-04-22T02:43:00.004+08:00

after some tide washed in on my island..
i manage to build my beautiful castle once again..

sometimes..
when someone is helping you but not supporting you...
can be quite depressing...

especially if it's one of the only family members you have left..

My Mind Speaks...Unsure.

2008-04-06T13:23:00.002+08:00

i'm unsure of what i want..
i'm unsure of what you want..
i'm unsure of what they(inside me) want..

i'm unsure if i'm alive..
i'm unsure if i'm dead..
i'm unsure if i'm me..
i'm unsure if i still love you..

i'm unsure of how things will go..
i'm unsure of how things are now..
i'm unsure of how things flow..
i'm unsure of how things went..

i'm unsure if i will survive..
i'm unsure if i can survive..
i'm unsure if i want to survive..
i'm unsure if i did survived..

but i am sure that they are all living inside me..
squirming in pain..
screaming in vain..
i am feeling it again.
i'm feeling these lies again..
this reality that lies..
....release..
...end..
tired...

i just want to sleep..

My Mind Speaks.

2008-04-05T03:09:00.003+08:00

"alone isn't a stranger to oneself anymore.
little did joey ever knew that alone was the best companion to be with since young.
ignorance filled to the brim of the little child..
society carved masks for this human face that wasn't meant to be.
Death smiles and tells this child..
"it's not your time yet...
when you've finally gathered your courage and do it instead of words flowing..
it will be the time where you've finally fulfilled your life and nothing is truly worth living for.."
Emotions slowly died as words of the wise steps into the ears of the ignorant.
as conversations fill the air around..
joey realises no one else lives in this world suddenly..
neither family nor friends are there anymore..
only joey and the one named alone."

"Run away Maya : Part 1".

2008-04-03T16:13:00.003+08:00

"Run away.
Run away.
A virus eating your head.
Hangman.
Hangman.
Please come play.
Dead will you be today.
As Maya runs away."

Pierce.

2008-03-23T18:20:00.002+08:00

My Mind Speaks Or is it...

2008-03-22T13:07:00.002+08:00

could it be just me all these while?
could it be me being oversensitive person that i am that lead me to this?

or..

is it really that i might just be an accessory sometimes?

i don't know.
i don't care.
those who matters.
stays.
helps.
understands.

those who try to change you for no apparent reasons.
Aquaintance.

yes.
i am oversensitive.
i admit i might be stupid.(and clumsy)
actually quite damn fuck stupid...
fucking took me 2 years to see man.
but..
maybe it's just the way how some friend treats other friends.
and maybe staying with one just changes everything.

i need to focus.
but i can't.
too many's happening outside the shop.
ugh.
i feel like ending.
not kill.
but just END.

yeah yeah.
there are some who would not understand me and comment shits.
go fuck yourself.
i'll bet you do not realise how tiring it is to wear a mask EVERYWHERE
you go.
and with no place to call home...

the only time you do not wear a mask is when you sleep.

maybe instead of dogsoup haven i should be naming it the life of a gypsy or something. tsk.

My Mouth Speak Of Friends.

2008-03-20T02:49:00.002+08:00

sometimes after 2 years of friendship..
you begin to realise that the friendship you had with a person you so-claimed a best friend and vice versa is nothing compared to a girl.
and when he calls you his best friend..
he spare thoughts for others and little for you.
hurray for that 1%.
but i am not a beggar for friends.
i'm began to ponder.
i contemplated to budge.
i am convinced to change.
sometimes i think i am just an aquaintance to some but yet i mistook the idea.
he helps me out.
but slave i not be his.
you help your friends cause you're willing.
friends make sacrifices(small or big doesn't matter).
friends are considerate towards friends.
friends are willing to help.
friends go that extra mile..
friends that aren't friends like us..
but i still would thank you for everything.

My Mind Speaks Myself.

2008-03-14T00:38:00.002+08:00

hmm..it really took me awhile to register this fact.
Pretty people attracts pretty people.
Freaks attracts freaks.
Ugliness attracts no one.
maybe that's why i am still having none.
hmm..

My Mind Thinks Clumsy..

2008-03-12T00:24:00.002+08:00

i think it's just nature for me to be a fucking klutz.
and i cannot afford to do so.
in my job.
i CANNOT be a klutz.
fuck.
i am distracted.
i'm a klutz.
i seriously hate my life but i can't do anything.
i am grateful though.
but then.
i can't stand it.
something's distracting.
but i am not sure what.
maybe it's my life itself?
or maybe i left music unsettled?
we'll know soon enough.
going through a roller coaster isn't the first in my life.
get used to it kid.

My 1st Corset.

2008-02-19T01:42:00.003+08:00

8 piercings.
a sort of good luck number for shop opening in a way.
not a believer but i respect it.

Left 15
Right 15
it will come.
and there's more to come.

My Mind Speaks...So Far..

2008-02-10T09:59:00.000+08:00

11 surface piercings.
2 nose rings.
1 10mm ear hole.

1 outlined calf piece.
1 knee piece.
1 inner bicep piece.

=\

My Mind Speaks The Art Of Randomness..

2008-02-05T01:27:00.000+08:00

A taste of sweetness is like life as a teenager.

What goes around comes around.

Anger management.

Massive Killing Spree.

Testicles Torture.

Body modifications.

Sadistic desires.

The life that death release.

The dream to die.

My Mind Speaks Days.

2008-01-29T00:02:00.001+08:00

Sometimes its just funny to see some geeks trying to dress up like a trend whore.
they just put everything they have in their wardrobe together and go out.
not to forget their thick dosage of cologne on their body.

well..
things seem so simple but yet so afar and complicated.
respects and politics.
a mask borns with it.
often i wondered why am i born here.
often wondered was i even born.

though i still dislike this life of mine.
a look around at times..
makes me feel glad..
cause although isolated..
i'm still blessed with great people around me.
and i'm thankful for that.

but still...
i am still filled with hatred and anger within..
to the brim.

Death.

My Mind Speaks..New.

2008-01-22T02:06:00.000+08:00

Man.i knew X-Japan was reunited.
but i didn't know that they had a new single!
and that single is for SAW 4's OST!
like what the hell.
and it fucking rocks.
it's been awhile since i listened to ROCK!!!!
i wanna do something like that.
but can i find the right people with the right sound?

so much has happened eh.
but then..
so little time for me to conquer.
Emotions has successfully been eliminated.
i feel so fuck good being so fucking heartless.
i feel even better after doing a corset piercing.
i wanna do more corset.
15 rings on each side along my spine.
that would be the ideal beautiful pain.

Tattoos anyone?
Tattoo EVERYONE!

i've never drawn so much in my life before.
and it feels fucking good to be drawing EVERYDAY.
I started to dream.
I was dreaming.
I'm within the dream.
I hope to be the dream.
I'm part of the dream.
The surreal dream.
The Illusionary Reality.

thINK.

My Mind Speaks ....thINK.

2008-01-07T00:26:00.000+08:00

well..i'm done at Starmedia and now i'm officially a tattoo apprentice.
tomorrow will be the day where i start learning things.
its not that stressful learning.
its the financial cause i'm payless.
going crazy with mirgraines.
oh well.i guess this is the price i have to pay.
its ok.
not like anythting can be done.
Poland.
wait for me.
oh well...08.
its a little weird cause i just literally realised it's 08.
a new year.
hmm..
i think i got myself lost somewhere in 07.
hopefully it is a better year this year.

my new rap song.
goes something like this...

"Fiofiofiofiofiofiofiofiofiofiofio"

the title is "Fio".

i like being numb.
makes me concentrate better.
i feel numb.
but i don't think i am.
i hope i am.

The New Year.

2008-01-02T05:23:00.000+08:00

personally.
i don't like new years(Chinese new year included)
i don't like christmas.
i don't like all these events.
i used to like it so much.
but not anymore.
2008.
by june.
i'll be an artist.
that's the deadline i give to myself.
i don't know why but i'm giving myself constant pressures.
new year's eve at 12 a.m i was on the train thinking bout 1 jan 08 without realising i was thinking something so far yet so near.
i still think the best way to celebrate is to order a feast and eat at home watching a good show.
oh.not to forget your pack of cigarette too.
never ever trust the atm machine during festive seasons.
fucking hell.
i never had a machine refusing to give me money...
when i had the money!
damn crap machine.
and i found out the best way for me to lose friends or
at least make them stop hanging out with me.
all i need to do is go to KFC.
i'm wondering if hun and fuckingemochristbibleboy will still
wanna hang out with me..hmm..

hmm.. i need to start drawing more often.
i've been stoning enough.
and i'm hungry.

anyways.
fucking new year.
but still..
happy new year.

My Mouth Speaks..Sometimes..All you need..

2007-12-28T09:38:00.000+08:00

to be loved or to love one..

to know you're never lonely...

one reply..

to get through a day or a week with confidence and a smile..

and one word..

to get through a life..

miracle..
but it isn't happening..

start thINKing!

2007-12-26T09:38:00.000+08:00

Need i say more? Do come down for a tattoo~!
=)

Merry Fuckmas Retards.

2007-12-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

personally i don't see the reason or the joy for celebration.
anyways.
i'll still wish everyone a merry christmas.

when i saw my own teeths..
i remembered..
i once asked mommy to show me her teeths.
and i told her..
"eee your teeth looks like it's all gonna fall off because you smoke.."

My last few posts before...

2007-12-23T14:45:00.001+08:00

i change my job to be a tattoo apprentice..
hence i won't be online so often anymore..
so i decided to put my very first picture after 3 years.
why?
i don't know?
things really flew by the year.
nothing much to think about.
nothing much to reminsce about.
my life is so much better now with an aim(though with debts)
Poland and London's Tattoo convention next year.
this not only will be a dream come true.
but it's also a great momentum for me to move.
Failure is not an option.
but anything can happen.
but then again.
i won't let it.
i will see her and be at that tattoo convention.
pursuing my dreams/passion recklessly.
stupid some may say.
but here's what i've to say..

Passion.
It's what differs a great artist and the master.

=)

The Day I Nearly Died.151207 6++ AM.

2007-12-15T22:06:00.001+08:00

On 151207.Around 6 + am in the early freash morning in Neo's house.
I was looking around on MSN to see if anyone's awake to be obliged to my nonsensity.
But unfortunately none.
i decided to give in to my eyes and sleep.
i was lying there and neo was making final checks on M169586928FMVC24M6 a.k.a his computer for the shut down.
Without suspecting of any Foul play, i was dozing off into the lands of LaLa.
A speech sudden blurted out of Neo's mouth that might have terrored me.when i was still ignorant that is.
That is.. "THE MIGHTY FOUL GAS RELEASE - TYPE:Humans" .
he said :" Wow! it stinks! i farted."
i asked :"fart?"
and it was just at the right time when i needed to breathe.
the first breath i took in.
it was the Fragrance from hell.
Was the smell of foul eggs , rotten vegs.
Once upon inhaling , i felt everything rising up to the throat of release.
i felt dizzy and nauseous.
I immediately covered my nose and ran out to the living room with the question "what the fuck just happened?!"
i then took might big breaths outside as i nearly suffocated in a foul gas from the human body.
i waited for 3 mins before deciding to sneak into the room and scan for the remains of that foul thing.
i stepped in.
i ran out to the living room like i was doing a shuttle run for gold medal.
i waited for another 5 mins.
i stepped in with high alert.
i detect a slight aroma of death still lingering within as the assasin laid on his bed getting to sleep.
i walked away.
i waited for 3 mins.
i stepped in.AGAIN.
Still.The aroma was still there.
i gave up waiting and went to the toilet to pee.

and it was this time i ever noticed after being in his place for almost 1 year(weekends).
i noticed the lethal weapon to fight with that foul thing.
it was air vs air.
The mighty :"HAZE AIR".
A.k.a air freshner.
i took it with courage and walked straight to the room with courage from the war.
i stood at the door.
Sprayed the entire room as though it was lizard spray vs lizards.
i took a whiff.
i went back to the toilet , peed and sleep.

That's my story on the day how i faced and fought with death.

My Mouth Speaks Madness.

2007-12-14T17:54:00.000+08:00

You know...how sometimes it takes a long journey before you realise it though people around you have been constantly reminding you that things will get better?

After knowing [A] , i realized..
there are nice girls around in sg.
i admit S was a good gf.but..i'm sorry..
i'm not the one for you and likewise.
you did nothing wrong just that our characters clash.
no point blaming further right?
it is not [A] changed me or what.
sometimes turning points are that minimal for you to realize it.

things haven't been so bleak but definitely stressful.
i like being numb.
it makes you give no fuck to nothing.
i yearn for death yes.
i do not appreciate my life.
but i do appreciate what i've did , done , doing and accomplished in life.
it's a thin line.
no regrets born no regrets left.

Hands..
it's time to do this.
it's the moment you have been waiting for.
Do this good and proud.
Die with honour and pride.

- Crim

My Mouth Speaks .."Jesus' Coming!!! OPEN YOUR MOUTH!!"

2007-12-07T15:24:00.000+08:00

well well..whaddya know...
Fucking X'mas is here again.
i really am not happy with x'mas.
like seriously..what's the big deal?
just stay home and fucking sing carols to the mirror.
replacing foams for snow..that's stupid as fuck.
they should ban X'mas in singapore.
why?
Because x'mas has this holy vibe that makes everyone
retarded and stupid on that particular day.

And today..
i found a new way to relief stress..
adviced by my dear hui hui~~~
and that method is..
WANKING!!!!!.
he is currently EMOING bout some stuffs.
and wouldn't admit it.
slutery.
it happens.
no worries huihui.( www.forsakenlives.blogspot.com )
though you're an emo kid.
we're still besties.*Hearts Hearts~~
XD~

My Mouth Speaks...Of Dying...off....

2007-12-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

for so long that i've lived.
it was nothing but a mere lie.
i hate to live.
i yearn to leave.
doesn't mean that it works for you.
it will work out for me the same way as it did to you.
i missed out on lots of opportunities in life that landed me here.
the terror that's hidden within.
the stress that's dwelling above.
procrastinating.
mommy looked told me with em solemn eyes.
lazy ears that it fell upon.
how long ago was it that i felt a pair of gentle hands..
a soothing voice that tells me.."it's going to be alright" ?
often thought we live to die.

we ought to be given a choice to live or not.
i'm just so stressed out.

My Mouth Speaks Morning Stupidity..or is it?

2007-11-30T11:06:00.001+08:00

you ought to realize that you're a mountain turtle when things around you seems
to surprise you in every way.

and also..
especially when you try to return the MRT ticket card the hard way.
by slotting it in over and over and only to realize...*sigh.
look at the picture description and you'll understand..

so malu lor...
my "act cool" image gone...
gone...
Gone~!!!!!!!
everyone at TPY MRT that day must have been smirking inside them at me..
ohnoes~!!!!
gone...
i'll now sink into depression and be emo towards everyone around me.

My Mouth Speaks BMT days.

2007-11-28T14:12:00.000+08:00

Ahh..there i was.the 18 year old wolf.
those were the dayssssssss..
a picture speaks a thousand words. =D

My Mouth Speaks Resistance.

2007-11-25T05:44:00.000+08:00

i broke free from the ropes of torment.
and learnt the fear of self.
after walking a path of smooth.
i can almost feel again.
i can't let myself into this again.
i've to concentrate.
i'm beginning to fall.
no.it's just an illusion like J.
it will be gone in awhile.
i'm like a wounded bird..
reaching for it's wings.
to fly once more...
i can't afford this to happen now.
i can't afford to fall into another mindless agony.
grief upon my grave.
i lay there wishing for death.
for it's life that's death itself.
i can't afford to stay.

it's really amazing how army really changes one.
i've gained more self-control.
but it isn't enough to keep me away from stupidity and awakeness.
i've gone through so much not to be put down like that.
by myself.
not by anyone.
i can't control myself.
why is that so?
i'm struggling to keep my mind on path.
it's really hard.
especially when ability is not what you have on hand.
it's really dimoralising when you know it's wrong but yet you can't help it.
BULLSHIT .
some may say.
but you have to understand.
it's emotions that make a human alive.
though reality's harsh.
but we aren't robots.
some things are just not within our mortal hands to control.
what i'm talking bout..emotions..
it isn't bout EMO..u know..those on the streets kind..
i'm talking bout EVERY emotion.
be it bad or good.
as long as you can feel changes within.
it's an emotion.
that's my view.
don't agree?
fuck off.
no one's starting a mindless debate.
i'm just stating MY point in MY blog.
i'm a really pissed person.like everyday.
that doesn't mean i shouldn't be given another chance to feel.
but then again.
I DON'T WANT TO.
but i just can't help it.
i'm just too weak to fight against myself.
words can't really describe what i feel and think.
because there's little that a psycho can explain.
"a picture speaks a thousand words."

to summarise everything...

i'm just struggling.

- Crimson Wolf

My Mouth Speaks Myself.

2007-11-23T10:50:00.001+08:00

I'm Crimson.
I'm currently in my early 20s.
I do nothing but slack and wank.
I have a pair of hands that does nothing but click into porn sites.
I have a pair of ears only for music.
I hate tattoos.
I hate metal.

ok.i'm just bullshittin myself.

I'm Crimson.
In my early 20s.
I do sketches.
And i love em.
I specialise in dark art.
Probably not very good.
But perfection is not an option.
I love tattoos and tattooing.
I love Music.
I am currently a single loser.
Who's always out of love.
And then be emo to people around me.
I don't know how i look like.
But my friends told me i'm eccentric.
I'm not a very nice guy.
I tend to fuck care at times.
I don't know what i am.
Or how i am.
And neither do i care.

I'm still bullshittin to myself.

Advertise!!!

2007-11-21T14:46:00.000+08:00

The other day i decided to meet steven on a night for i was really dead bored and didn't know what to do.
Boy.
was i a stupid boy.
it just had to be the day...
where he cooked.
therefore.
to prevent from hurting his feelings further.
i decided to post a picture instead of insulting.
its a simple deduction from the experience.
in all my life.
i thought i've eaten the best omelette around here and there.
but for these 21 years of my life..
i was wrong...

you never know what's an omelette till you've tried Steven's 3 Layered kuey lapis omelette.

Hear'ye! Hear'ye!
Ladies and Gents.
Having difficulties in deciding where to eat?
No problem!!
Too late in the night for a meal?
No problem!!
Sick of eating normal meals???
No Problem!!!!
Introducing!!!! *drum rolls*

Steven Jr's Murder Restaurant!!!
GUARANTEE TO SHIT OUT THE CANCER CELLS IN YOU!!!!!

EVERYTHING COMES OUT AFTERWARDS!! YOU'LL BE LEADING A NEW LIFE!!

SO WHY WAIT?!?!?! COME NOW!!!
NEWLY OPEN AT SOMEWHERE IN TAMPINES!!

OPEN EVERY SUNDAY 24 HOURS!!!!

CALL : 9170**** FOR ADVANCE BOOKINGS!!!!!

NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You would never know what you just ate.
cause even him does not know.

Meet Kraztafruz.

2007-11-07T16:25:00.000+08:00

this is my first piece of drawing that i have posted so far.
i know people have seen better ones.
but i just would like to justify this as a piece of art/drawing.

PS:strictly only the contrast and brightness have been adjusted.

ResuErection.

2007-11-07T08:17:00.000+08:00

i can't believe what a kid you are.
i can't believe how u still chose to be so retard.
you can't stand what i am doing.
but yet you're doing it right now.
now you know how it fucking feels?
it sure feels fucking good.
i really don't feel anything you know?

you've been always pushing the blame on me while we were together.

You know how it feels?

i bet you do.
i smirk as u squirm in pain.

when i decided to take the blame.
To see me down is your aim.

now you feel what you've been giving me.

Even if you shut up.
you can never satisfy the other party.

well of course i should have figured out long ago that i wasn't good enough.
espcially when you brought in 2 guys.
why do you have to be such a bitch that you're not?

now..
You're just exactly like L.
You're just exactly like her.
You're doing everything she did.
You're acting exactly like her.

you're still cramped up in your own world.
even with apologises.
you still do not accept.
and said that i pushed the blame to you?

Now.

Who's the one who isn't satisfied and pushing the blame?
i took in the blame but you're just so..
Full of yourself.

Wake up.

You're not as hot as you think you are.
You don't have to do this.
You're not the "clubber" that you claim to be.
You don't have to do this.

i take the blame in and fully understood it.
which was why i apologised.

and now you're ranting as though i pushed the blame to you?

You're 20.
not 2 years old.

So start acting like one.

i'd like to know..
why did you get together with me for?
You thought you have feelings for me?
you wanted to experience?
you thought it would be fun?

cause you're so locked up in your own thoughts and neglecting the person i am and my actions that you've let your guard down so badly...
you fail to see what's actually going on.

what seems bad may be good.
wake up.
look.
realise.
do not judge the book by it's cover.
it's a bigger world than you think.
understand it..
what seems bad..
Might be good..
wake up..

My Mouth Speaks.Alien.

2007-11-05T17:55:00.000+08:00

My conversation with my supervisor on msn....

Supervisor : u there

Me: Crimson was sent to outer space to kill aliens

Me: may i take a message for him?

Sv: tell ah khoon, jackie sent tat amendment since 2pm today

Me: O_O

Me: orh

Me: he go off to somewhere

me:later he come back the message will be sent to him via human language

Sv: thank you

me: thank you for using alienbot messenger.please come again.

Sv : O_O

me:Join our Alien Messenger Lucky Draw contest! And stand a chance to win a trip to AlienSpace for free!
Just keep leaving messages and your messages will be randomly picked!
And if you're picked , you are the WINNER!
So quick! leave as many/much messages as you can into AlienBot Messenger!
(Terms and conditions apply)

Sv:(*Terms and conditions apply) *apply to alien only

me:ya.which is why it applies to you

me : =D

me :no wait.

me : you TOO.

me : karen is an alien too

me : she is from planet Kukumonga

sv : *yawns

me : you're an alien too

me : just that you've been a human for too long

me : you've lost contact with your inner alien

sv : i m averi absent minded im frm which planet ar

me : yes i know

me : i know you came from planet blurrfusion

me : i understand your confussion and lost contact.

me : no worries

me : your inner alien will be soon revived by the great alieneader

me : he will then ressurect the alien that may seem dead

me : soon you will have alien seeds

me : and you will be sent back to planet BlurrFusion to regenerate the alien life-forms

me : i, Crimson(my human name) is actually Alien code : 16860116.

me : i was sent by our captain alieneader to look out for surviving aliens on planet earth.

sv : *yawns

me : i was told by an outsourced informant that Starmedia is really the nest of all alien breeders

me : therefore i'm here to kill the alien soldiers

me : and rescue the alien breeders.

me : one of the alien soldiers have been eliminated.

me : his human name was "Kah sing".

me : but his alien identity was really Uglien

me : the retarded alien from the planet of retard aliens

me : he was sent here to kill everyone with his mental retardation.

me : thankfully to our great alieneader.

me : he was spared.

me : he is now alive as a human for 4 more months before being sent back to alien nation

me : for further investigations on his brains.

me : this is an infomation leak due to bug / virus in ths alienbot messenger.

me : please keep these infomation to yourself.

me : thank you for using AlienBot Messenger.

me : Have a nice human day!

me : - Auto Shut down -

-END-

My Mouth Speaks Cranky.Very Cranky.

2007-11-05T12:26:00.000+08:00

i am seriously really fucking pissed.
i've been so eaily pissed off lately and i don't know why.
firstly it was :"Help me do this!"
replies:"ok.tmr around 3"
replies me:" sure or not.don't later last min i need to find someone to help me"
replies :"ok sure.just a matter of time.its late"
Replies back :"i got someone else to do it"

i'd seriously say a big fuck you and a big middle finger to you.
seriously.

if you don't trust me or can't accept the way i do things.
don't fucking ask me.
if you fucking ask me.
then don't fucking find someone else.
it's just like you tell this buyer.
yeah i will buy your stuff.
when the buyer gets your order and all.
you tell him "hey i bought it from someone else"
you will gain no fucking respect.
because you do not respect others.

Stop asking people what the fuck did you do.
you are NOT fucking young anymore.
fucking wake up and be more fucking sensitive and considerate to the people around you.
you know.
i seriously didn't mind keeping in touch and all.
but when it comes to disrespecting.
i don't give a fuck even if you're my mom.

i'd fuck you upside down so hard to make sure heaven seems like hell to you.
don't come and tell me craps like :"i'm so afraid to talk to you because i am afraid to do wrong things."
Maybe that is fucking why you're always doing wrong things.

cause u never fucking learn from your mistakes.
instead.
you learnt how to RUN away from your mistakes.
and hence.
like i said.You never fucking learn.
i learnt mine.That's why the word JOAN is there.
how many fucking times do you wanna run?
how many fucking times do you just wanna enjoy the good and leave the bad?
it fucking pisses everyone off you know?
you may not know.
cause the people around you are just keepnig quiet.
carry on being like this and friends bid goodbye.
and might as well bid to yourself too.
cause if you don't know how to respect others.
your self respect must be really slow.

WAKE UP!!!!

Second case:
my fucking ex-band.
all of a sudden on this fine monday morning.
"i got something to tell u.our old drummer wants to come back and play.faz and azmi plan to put u to bass and then if the drummer not avail then you sub.thats what they plan for you."

look here.
it's not the matter if bout playing bass or not.
i can fucking play the bass if you want me to.
but fuck.
this IS a fucking band.
negotiate with your fucknig memebers instead of planning for them.
you're not paying them.

you are WORKING with them.
you should respect the roles for each individuals and DISCUSS with them how they feel bout the idea.
Fuck all of you.
Everyone who doesn't respect.
Always seems to be of the same blood.

Now.
refer back to my post previously.

all these isn't natural.
it is what you presented and then forced people to feel even though chances are given.
Points proven over and over again.
need i say more?

- CRIMSONWOLF

My Mouth Speaks Messed.

2007-10-23T12:36:00.000+08:00

Been losin my temper alot lately.
and my best friend's been losin himself lately.
it's all because of his girl.
why is it that every fucking time.
guys crumble to shit because of that?
i've grown immune to it.
like a lifeless zombie i live now.
i suddenly lost interest in EVERYTHING.
my job pays me so low that i don't even have any money to save.
it's really fucked like how much i like this job but yet i can't stay.
sounds familiar eh? how much i love but i can't.
Deh-jah-voooo.
right now i have no one by me.
i'm crumbling myself to shit this time.
and i feel like shit.
but i enjoy it.
i seem to have this new hobby.
indulging in tortures.
fuck everything.
i've been such an angry wolf lately.
i'd have killed if i could.

and seriously.
Appreciate and be considerate of what you fucking have instead of fulfilling your fucking self you fucking shit.Do you know how much fucking shit you're putting him through?
you're so fucking selfish and childish.
Go eat your own shit you bitch.
you come from a fucking well off family.
With a maid to serve even.
Why do you have to torture him with your selfishness?
By building your happiness on his misery?
Do you know how much he has fucking changed?
You said you love him.
Fuck off.
You can't even accept him.
You're really one fuck childish arrogant fucking slut.
You just had to spite him in anyway you can find.
I'll fucking kill you if i could.
I've never seen such a fucking slut besides L.
F-U-C-K YOU.
Leave him alone and find some other dick.
You're turning him into me.
A lifeless zombie do you know?
No?
I was right.
Fuck you.
Moron.

My Mouth Speaks Unncessary Thoughts.

2007-10-19T12:40:00.001+08:00

you know.
there are times where you think alot.
and sometimes these thoughts really put your entire day down the drain.
at this current point where i am standing and living..
some friends i've made.so close back then.so far now.
but some friends were close.and now still are.
new friends come in.
one became close.
so much shit has happened.
but yet i'm living like i don't bother.
i do.
But then again.maybe i shouldn't.
i'm starting to fuck care the things around me more often lately.
maybe i'm just getting tired?
or maybe i've woken up?

after so long.i just realised something.
i have micky mouse ears.
and they look fucking ugly.

yesterday while walking amongst queue to board a bus.
there was this indian kid and his family who was chasing after another bus.
the kid ran behind me and tripped on my heels.
he took on the role as superman and flew to the ground.
Flat.
i took a look over my shoulders.
and boarded the bus.
i felt guilty.
for 5 mins.
why?
cause i was sleeping on a bus.
no one woke me up to alight.
i got locked in the bus.
called up the interchange.
the driver came.
he was an indian driver.
and he gave me that fucking look on his face which says :"CHAO CHEE BYE"
i was really pissed at that.
it is not that i am racist.
just that those that often irritate people and piss people off real bad..
are usually coincidentally Malays and indians.
look.
i do insult about my own race too.
its not bout the skin color.
its bout the behaviour that's presented in public.
maybe it's a culture to bargain something that cost about $135 SGD to a mere $2.
i don't know.
but that pisses me off.
cause at least be considerate that people's running a business for public.
not only you.
be it whatever the race is.
even chinese aunties do that.
discrimination over here in sg usually isn't a natural thing.
it is forced as people tend to MAKE others discriminate.

- Crimson

CRANK.

2007-10-15T13:17:00.000+08:00

I AM FEELING SO FUCKING CRANKY TODAY.
I FUCKING FEEL LIKE FUCKING KILLING PEOPLE.
I FUCKING AM CRANKY.
I FUCKING AM SO FUCKING IN A FUCKING KILLING MOOD.
FUCKING FUCK YOU AND FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF AND MYSELF.
FUCKING EVERYTHING LIVING ON THE THIS SURFACE OF THIS FUCKING EARTH.
FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU TOO.
I WANNA FUCKNIG KILL YOU.
FUCK LAR.
FUCK YOU LAR.
FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Mouth Speaks Pictures.

2007-10-09T18:50:00.000+08:00

i figured i haven't posted enough pictures.
even i myself find my blog boring.
hmm.
maybe i should.
although most likely things are gonna get messy for people to see it.
pukes pukes pukes.

oh well.
i often wonder why do people call people who commit suicide cowards.

do you know how hard is it to face death itself?
it's even harder than facing reality.

Though i'm obsessed with death myself.
but i dare admit i don't have enough guts to face it myself.
hence cowarding myself in this shell.

Death is life itself.
And Life is death itself.

imagine.
living with corruption and all that's going on.
I don't see the life in life.
It takes alot to live.
And it takes even more to die.

- Crimson

My Mouth Speaks.

2007-10-08T17:35:00.001+08:00

As each day passes.
i wonder how much time is left.
i wonder how much time has left.
I ponder to live.
i feel closer to what i am now.
but yet drifting so far away too.
Grasping for my breath.
i knelt and cry.
why can't i just die.
wouldn't it be more beautiful if things just ended?
don't be a bitch bout it , Crim.

- Crimson

My Mouth Speaks ..............

2007-09-28T17:14:00.000+08:00

I am bored..very bored...very very bored...am damn bored.so damn bored.
It's really contradicting of me.to dislike them when my band's full of them.
i wanna jam....yawnz...there's nothing else better to do..i can't do no shit here.
so i decided to blog about nothing.
stressed.my band's crazy.i just got into this band.and they are telling me they are gonna record a full album and skip recording the demos.
woo...they have so much confidence in me? nuts lor.i haven't started laying out the structures for his crazy 5 mins with 10-over-different-riffs song.nothing fancy.but it's quite technical.die..die...die...die...just grind all the way...wahahhahahahaha
i think i'm probably the only one who listens to Technical Death there.
they only enjoy brutal death.and even named one of the songs "MatiMampos"(means die and die(more crudely)).
i feel retarded.but it's fun to jam lar.better than rusting.
yawnzzzzzzzz...so many side projects on hand...
ALBUM COVER FOR H.O.D!!!!!!!!! wahahahahaha my biggest one for now.
Herald Of Decay!!!!!!!!!! ROARRRRRRRRRRRR

Boredom took my senses away............*dances

My Mouth Speaks Mental Fucked.

2007-09-27T13:20:00.000+08:00

Alot get the idea of S.M(sexually) the moment they hear me saying Hedonistic Masochist.
I don't really enjoy physical pain.well.sometimes.
but then again.what really gives me the smile on my face.

Mental Torture.

i'm just so addicted to it.
i've been told so too.
It will be better if it was a trauma.
like cause it keeps torturing and haunting you whenever u think bout it.
it warms my little heart whenever that happens.

now for sadness.
the thoughts that makes you cry.
no.i do not like it because i am emo.
i like it because it makes you think deeper into the situation that makes you go insane after digging deeper and deeper.

I inflict this unto myself too.
Instead of escaping it.
I grew fond of it.
This is love.

What i love best.
Fucking around with spoilt brats.
i'd love it to see them breakdown.
and you go like :"Aww.relax.everything's fine."
When i do that.
I am actually laughing and smiling hard at your face.
But if i keep quiet and proceed on without any hypocrisy.
it means i have my other reasons for doing so.not for hedonistic purposes.

Disorder?
i'm not really sure.but i seem fine.
well.maybe not to all.
but then again.
who cares?

The taste of mental torture is sweet.
The crave for it is strong.

I think i went wrong somewhere earlier in my life.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yes.
I'm CrimsonWolf.

My Memory Speaks.

2007-09-24T08:36:00.001+08:00

"With so much done.
With so much time that flew.
I refuse to accept the reality that has happened.
As every step i take slowly turn into memories,
I lost myself between present and future.
As knowledge grows,
The memory fades.
Soon, everything becomes obsolete.
No.
Intensed isolation will not help.
For forgotten is just a momentary issue.
As my body wither with age.
Everything that stood in the corner will bloom.
Knowing nothing,
Is knowing everything.
We were born pure with ignorance.
Yet die with such tainted mind of knowledge.
I've learnt how not to refrain.
And slowly live in pain.
As my mind and heart repels,
My body will just walk step by step as time ticks away.
And soon enough,
Every step turns into a memory."
- Crimson

" In the memories of Deary."
1999 - 2007

"Always loved you.And now you will be missed.Have a safe trip."

My Mouth Speaks Porn.

2007-09-18T18:27:00.000+08:00

Till this day.
i still don't get it why some people call others who watch porn low-lifers or no-lifers.
Face it.
EVERY single fucking guy who's alive(including gays) have watched porn.
Otherwise how the fuck would you know what's porn?
Pot calling the kettle black.
Maybe it's less obscene to tell people you watch C.S.I espcially girls.
But then again.
Pornstars are actors.
It's just like a normal tv show.
It's like how some prefer to watch comedy and some prefer to watch drama.
It's really just the case of stimulation preference.
Why are there people narrow-minded enough to make a fool out of themselves?
Personally.
I love porn.
And i admire pornstars because some are really just that fucking beautiful.
And its really quite a waste that they are pornstars.
it may be a lower class of act.
but they have the guts to show their fucking pussies to god-knows how many people around the world.
Imagine.
You're famous for your pussy.
How many would do that?
Everyone has the rights to do what they think is right.
If you think porn is low/no-life.
Go to a porn director and tell him to stop producing porn.
By then.
I'd really pity your partner who will soon be suffering from sexual boredom.

Ah..Sasha Grey.

My Mouth Speaks Awake But Wasted.

2007-09-17T12:36:00.000+08:00

it was weird.
Steven and Pornstar bought a drink for me.
named "WaterFall".
As i'm new towards alcohol.
i had no idea what the fuck was that.
i approached it with caution as the waitress performed her fiery act.
i was holding 2 straws.i don't know for what.and don't know when it got there.

When she was done.
i could hear Steven saying :" DRINK NOW YOU FAG!!!!!"
once upon hearing that.
i had a flash back of my SGT screaming his head of at me.
i immediately put the straw into the glass and drank.
Without knowing what the hell is it.

Everything was ok....
until he asked me to down a glass of beer.
ok.
1 down.
i was still ok.
i was thinking ok la.not so bad as a noob drinker.

Then Steven's friend dared me to down another.
i really detest beer.
but oh well..
for the fun of it.
i downed with another.
immediately.
i felt my mac spicy rising up to my tongue.
And from there.
i became the WaterFall.
i was sober.
but just puking non-stop.
Initially i wanted to hop around more.
but the state that i was in.
i believe i was only in the state to go home.
i was intending to go over to M.O.S to look for BF.
but i died before i could step out of where i was.

Darn.
but oh well.
no hang overs.
when i got on the cab.
there was another passenger.
an ah lian.
quite a pretty one i must say.
we both were puking out the unwinded window.
the taxi driver was her uncle.

oh well.

My Mouth Speaks Drinks Anyone?

2007-09-14T20:34:00.000+08:00

I'm not addicted to alcohol.
the amount of times i went drinking can be counted with my fingers.
i can't get the hang of the taste.
but i do like the moment during where you're alf drunk till you knock your bed.
it makes you forget everything.
its good to forget reality.
people who know me will know.
i'm quite a fuckcarefuckcare.
i wanna get my illusions laid down.
can't seem to find anyone interested.
interested in leather and laces.
blood..
and pain..

darn...
oh well..

Let's get drunk.

My Mouth Speaks Wax.

2007-09-06T15:35:00.000+08:00

Don't you like that wax that falls on your skin hot and drips down cold?
It's like how everything in life works.
It lands on you hot.
Leavin you all cold and numb.

Painful Pleasure.
Is What I Desire.
I Yearn for a blood fuck.
I am yours to suck.

As my knife runs on your skin.
I build my happiness on your misery.
I know you're requesting for more pain.

Slowly darling...
Slowly....

My Mouth Speaks Anger.

2007-09-05T18:28:00.000+08:00

fucking shit.
i thought being clumsy's only for fat people.
fuck.
i'm probably the only fucker who can trip over his own foot for about 6 times while walking from the bus stop to the MTR station.
and probably the only fucker who can cut his finger accidentally on the same spot where he , a few months back nearly sliced the flesh off the finger.
fuck shit.
a wound over a wound.
and now i can't type properly.
fuck shit.

My Mouth SpeakSkaepS htuoM yM

2007-09-03T12:50:00.000+08:00

Nothing like a fucked weekend..
I yearn that moan of yours.
The catastrophic moans.
Your endless mourns.
Drive my blood up my brain.
Pushin in on hard.
Waxing your sexy curves.
I tear your skin with my teeth.
To only hear you scream.
Every pitch from that scream.
Turns me on over and over again.
I'll tie you to the frame.
And wax you all over again.
i'll slit yr skin for the blood to run.
The only thing that really turns me on.
Not too hard and not too soft.
The amount that flows will be right.
As i bite your wound with my teeth again.
i'll make you scream in pain.

I yearn for your lust to stay.

Your cunt's all for me.
Your blood's meant for me.

Ah...

My Mouth Speaks The Language Of Return.

2007-08-24T19:18:00.001+08:00

Everything flew by just like a fart.
The last thing i remembered while looking in the mirror was..i had short hair.and those nerd spects.
now.
my hair is covering my face.
I'm not with my original rock band.
But yet in a death band.
and other few more projects going on.
Walking up this path as a musician and an artist.
I turned around.
She stopped climbin with me.
I left her alone.

Cold you say?
My skin's frozen with pain.

Numb.Is the best way to carry on.

Ahh...
Breathe.
The air up here is fresher.

But we're not at the peak yet.

My Catastrophic Mourns.

I'm back to myself.

The Crimson Wolf.

After A Fight.

2007-07-23T18:13:00.000+08:00

It was only after a fight then i realised.
Sometimes it doesn't pay to be nice.
And it sure isn't worth it to throw your pride just to compromise.
This really is for every single thing you're going through in your life.

Like now.
His attitude towards me is better after i flared up and threw him a punch in the case of self-defence.
but the cops weren't called.
I'm too softed hearted.
I felt that it wasn't worth the guilt i'll have for sending someone to jail just because of a stupi fight.

Standing up for yourself and doing something that isn't what you want.
Sometimes really makes a huge difference in your life.
Sometimes the closer.The deeper the wound.
Sometimes.You just gotta reject yourself.
You can't show people whom you really are.
Why?
Because this society is so discriminative.
You have to compromise in order for everyone to be happy.
Neither do i like to put on a smile everyday at work.
But no one at work offended me.
They do not deserve my frown.
Pride is really important.
I used to fuck care bout it.
But maybe that's why i always get kicked around.
Once bitten.Twice shy.
Sometimes it's just about doing the right thing.
Sometimes it's about pride.
Sometimes it's just about the trust that's been betrayed.

Watched "ALONE" from the directors of Shutter.
I was expected a real good movie.One that will haunt me for months and i'll still get scared whenever i think of it.
But.
It was a huge disappointment considering that the director was from Shutter.
And Shutter was such a success.
The movie was focused more on shocked than haunt.
And quite off track at times.
They do not focus much on the point of the twins whereas more on the Love story.
:"I love you Wee(the lead).Why you don't love me??I KILL YOU!!!"
It turned out to be another psychopath in love kinda story.
bla bla.yeah.
Ratings? 4/10.

Busy

2007-07-19T19:46:00.000+08:00

i swear to god.
i've never worked so hard in any jobs that i've worked for the past 6 years.
This is the very first that i'm actually overtiming without more than 10 sentences of complains.
probably because its a graphic firm and i like art.
But The Body Shop , Chanel advertisements?!
Well..do the best out of the worst situation.
i'm sleepy though.

work work work.sheeeeeesh.

bored.

2007-07-16T19:31:00.001+08:00

i'm so bored in the office.
while readin through my blog.i laugh hysterically at my own blogfor its emo-ness.
its so bored i'm starting to day dream a lil.
i really don't know what to say actually......

bah.

Project H.O.D & G.A.N.M.

2007-07-13T13:58:00.000+08:00

Outcomes of these two were better than expected.looks like i'm getting the hang of this.H.O.D approved and is already using.Now..there's just G.A.N.M left.

Whoops?HAHAHA

2007-07-09T12:09:00.000+08:00

there are times when you know things aren't right.
Well.
getting kicked out is one thing.
But when you're a gossip bitch.
Don't contradict yourself just so you can make people eat their words.
And worst.
Don't be a coward.
Everything said seems to fall upon deaf ears.
BUT Then again.
As if anything i said drilled into anyone.
It was a good choice getting kicked.
like Finally.
oh well.
You win a lil.
You lose a lil.
You started this with someone.
You should have the courage to say it.
Instead of getting a sub to say it for you.
Well.
I ain't playin for just leisure.
It's my passion.
If the shoe doesn't fit.
Change it.
It's better this way.
simplicity is good.
Varities are needed.
Espcially when u know you suck more than me.
(this is a statement for all situations)
If you're gonna play things that sound like other bands.
Why not just play a tribute band?
If for 3 years and you can't tell the difference
From the past and the present.
Then there isn't any use for me to try.
Considering you can even say words like fall upon deaf ears.
It's so obvious that you're just bein the bias whom you really are.
Always following.
Not looking on your own account.
Even my peeps asked me why did i tone down so much.
Disappointed in only you.
But it's all ok.
Considering that YOU.
were too coward about everything.
I'm glad that i'm kicked.
Don't get me wrong.
Just in case you're too narrow-minded to understand what exactly am i talking about and go around telling the rest i'm pissed for the kick bla bla like how you usually will.
My point is.
I totally agree with the analogy of the shoes not fitting.
But just that considering i started this with you.
and am the closest with you among all.
You should have been the one who broke the news to me.
Instead of replying something so kiddish and making me eat my words.
I've no intentions of leaving with a bad end like how Iffah did.
But the way you put it.
It's simply so contradictive.
The other time when i asked to play one of my song.
You critisized it by saying it sounds indian without even trying.
You didn't play something because it wasn't your style.
At least i tried to compromise you guys.
But did you try?
So what rights do you have to speak of others?
Especially using the phrase "Falling unto Deaf Ears"?
I've totally nothing against the idea of kicking me.
But your cowardly and contradictive ways.
Just makes one wonder.
Are you still in your second childhood?
but anyhows.
I still thank you for everything that we have been through together.
And i thank you SpiralFall.
The experience i had with you guys was great.
Hopefully you'll be able to find the right drummer.
It was an experience i will not forget.
Thanks and Au Revoir.

Ciaos!

Grudge.

2007-07-06T10:00:00.000+08:00

Man.
When you're more tolerant.
People take advantage of it as you're weak.
Fuck him.
If you don't like what people do.
Don't do it yourself first.
You've no rights to tell me off.
Better watch your words before i'll rip you off this planet.
And leave you half dead living with a living brain living in a dead body.
Mother Fucker.

DO NOT MESS WITH ME WHEN I'M NICE.UNDERSTAND?!

To:Mr mother fucker.
You're worst than this poor baby.
Because you lived but yet you're more screwed than him.
Lowest lifeform of this planet.
Waste to this planet.
Don't make me decapitate you.
You think you know me.

You're wrong...
Never judge the book by it's cover.

Especially me.

Fear

2007-06-27T08:22:00.000+08:00

I'm so afraid now.I'm so afraid.
I will never dare.
For i've lost all my confidenc..
To give someone happiness.
To be with someone.
To see my loved one smile.
I lost it.
I lost myself entirely..
Decimated.

Happy 100th post CrimsonWolf.

Monday Blues

2007-06-25T10:22:00.001+08:00

Darn.
First i had a bad weekend.
Second i ran out of cash.
Thirdly i couldn't sleep.
Fourthly my ear phones cranked up.

Geez.how much more can these blues carry on?

Hidden

2007-06-22T12:19:00.000+08:00

Actions have the most evidence of everything.
When you know the situation isn't what they are.
You force yourself to believe likewise.
When everything isn't worth for them.
There's nothing you can do.
Action speaks for itself.
Explaination isn't everything.
Action is.
You show people different from what you explained.
It's ok.
Not meant to be is what you believe not what the situation is.
I know.
You just wanna be a coward fuck and just run.
No courage to face anything.
Just get fucked and enjoy.
And when probelms occur.
You run.
Humans are selfish.
And you're one of em.
You never have time for me.
You always have time for others.
You're gonna say i'm the same.
Cause you're always defending yourself.
If you haven't started this in the first place.
Would i guard on you so strongly?
Yeah it's me.
What else can you do best besides putting the blame on others?
It's ok.
It's my fault that i tried.
You keep saying you're tired.
You spared a thought for your friends.
A thought on how they would feel.
But not me.
Never me.
If you can't give in.
I wouldn't too.
You're just gonna run away like a coward in your whole life.
It's such a minor obstacle.
In future you're just gonna get fucked in the CAR and no commitments.
Why?
Cause you can't face stress.
I tried.
You stood on your believes.
I tried to run over it.
But you ran over me.
You said you've explained enough.
That's just a lie.
You just want to end things.
Love me?
My Foot though.
You said you do.
But you said you wanna leave.
When both parties still have feel.
I left her cause i had no feel.
But you still do.
So your feelings are just not strong enough to overcome things?
Just like what you said.
"Like i'm not worthy enough for you to get over some disorder."

I'm not WORTH for you to overcome things.

You can't make me hate someone.
You believed i hated you.
Remember when i said don't start with me?

You're the fool now.

The Contradictives.

2007-06-20T12:35:00.000+08:00

Its really funny but sad.
The people closest to you never seem to understand.
Yet they tell you :"Oh i love you".
Love isn't meant to be said.
Its meant to be felt.
Its funny how they say you don't care.
They left you.
They drew a clear line between.
They still say i love you.
1 day right after your exsistance is extinguished from their lives.
They plan for a oversea trip.
and then again.
keep speaking as though they have no choice infront of you.
But yet they're planning well for the trip behind you.
now back to the point where they said you didn't care.
how are you suppose to care?
what can you do?
and how do you expect others to care and believe when you've done things
to make others disbelieve in you?
Self reflection my darling.
You don't know what you have done.
You just like to win.

tsk.

Sad to say.people like that do exsist.
its exactly how u tell this girl u love her.
But u NEED and HAVE to leave her.
Next day.
TA DA!
You have a new girlfriend.
How would you feel?

You have just proved every single of your words wrong.
i've no strength left.
Sad to say.
But you have won this battle.

Since my departure is such a good celebration.
Whatever for stay?
i never knew i was such a hinder to you.
Sorry.
=)
Have a good life.
Au Revoir.

SpiralFaLL

2007-06-12T12:43:00.000+08:00

i realised after 3 years.
i haven't blogged about my band.
Anyways.
Thats my band with FireBurn,SpiralFaLL.
On for almost 3 years.
Playing different style of music.Although mostly Grunge.
Getting on well and movin.

Its been almost a week since things happened.
Time really flies and i have lost track of it.
Momentary presence i felt.
I'm stuck in this forever.
I can't move anymore.
Oh well.
What's life without pain no?
*Hysterical Laughter.
I just realised happiness doesn't last.
And i'd have shown the finger to commitment if it was a person.
Dwell within self-pity?
I think not.
Just an impact too strong.
Loser?
Perhaps.
Regret once filled in.
Regret has now filled in..
Again.

"Not gonna leave.
There's something in me.
That wants to believe this for so long.
You're not who you seem.
You're just someone like me.
And when you're here..
It's easy to Breathe."

You miss her don't you.
Yes..i really do.

Nice Song.

2007-06-09T03:49:00.001+08:00

Tag..?

2007-06-06T03:46:00.000+08:00

I'm back from M.I.A.
i had to draw a few art pieces for my portfolio and all.
anyways.
i'm back here today because i was tagged by Mylene.
I'm honoured too.

".....Tagged!This is what you are supposed to do. Cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game.Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog....."

1. My hairstyle's like a carrot-top.

( i did the undercut concept but just that all my hair's swept to my left instead of leavin it
down center parting like wrestlers.and i've to keep shaving off the sides as a follow-up.why
did i do it? i don't know.the weather was bad?)

2.I draw my darkest fear and horror with a pencil.yet i'm still afraid of the "Incredible Tales" ad.

(my profession with art is Dark.i can draw u your greatest fear on a piece of paper.other materials requires more time.i'll be posting up my art works soon.perverse evilness , eyes , eygptian , etc.etc.but back to my point.that ad still scares me.i don't get it either.you'll know what i mean when i have my works uploaded.)

3.I wear eyeliner(at appropriate times.)

(I don't know.i just love it)

4.My band , SpiralFall.

(I'm in a Grunge/Alt Rock band with 3 uni grads.2 of em are 5 years older than me.1 is exactly 10 years older.and i'm the only uneducated one inside.2 christians , 1 catholic and 1 atheist, me.despite the age , religious and culture gap.we've been together for almost 3 years.and we only meet up for sessions most of the time.we all have totally different music influences too.From U2 , Korn , Coldplay , Breaking Benjamin , Guns & Roses..etc to Me(Death metal , Jazz , psy-trance , blues , 80's rock , rave , Drum&Bass..etc.etc) I admit.Although I'm the shortest,youngest,horniest,stupidest,darkest member in ere' but we all get along pretty well with those differences mentioned.

5.i'm a guy.but then again.i love America's Next Top Model.

(don't they look fabulllllllous? but i hate nicole though.Nik should have won.darn.)

6.My tattoos.

(Dark art meets cartoon)

Well?
who should i tag..
i really don't know how to do this but..here goes..

1.Spinneee
2.FireBurn
3.Steven
4.Temptress
5.Skye
6.HB

Revived To The Voice Of Despair..

2007-03-11T00:41:00.000+08:00

When everyone's blind to see..
When anyone's too blind to see..
When no one sees you trying..
When someone's true colors are seen..
When "the one" runs out of patience on you..
When "the one" can't accept you to be..
When you found out that she feels happy without your presence..
When you found out somethings that's hidden within her..
When you found out you're not worth for her..
When you found out she's giving up on you..
When you find out the answer of all of above...

Death calls out to you once more...
A Dejavu..
That i'll never be able to wake up from..
I'll never be able to wake up from...ever..

-

2007-01-21T01:17:00.000+08:00

- This Blogger Has Passed Away -

The Improvising

2007-01-18T04:13:00.000+08:00

"Angry souls..
Wake to my plea..
Demented Fragility..
Your demise..
My song..
Hysterical Hatred..
The sound of my beats..
Improvise..
The young night..
The full moon..
Whispers everywhere..
Can you see them?
I'm livin in "A World Without Eyes"
The project of decimation..
The thought of reconstruction..
The Infernal Dragon awakes..
The blood of humanity will drip.."

The Fucked Job..

2007-01-14T05:39:00.000+08:00

I went for a job interview on fri morning..
being anxious on my first day of work..
i sat there patiently like the recept instructed..
after only about 1/2 hour..
this old guy introduced to me to this young kid called Joseph..
after which i was "under" Joseph..
i carried on and kept questioning Joseph what's this job about..
He kept saying it was event..
so i was like oh..ok..
and only to find out he is only 17..
after which i smell a rat..
when was introduced to the other parties..
we set off to Toa Payoh..
and then...
that's where my anger begins..

It's was a donation charity project "event"

Fuckin Hell..

The newspaper ad stated "EVENT CREW"
usually..Event Crew really means setting up equipments or backstage crews..
But this..?!
Fuck..
i may be in need of money..
but i ain't lookin for this kinda job..
you have no idea how pissed off you can get..
it feels almost as though being cheated..

Fuck em all..
Waste my time..

Anyways, if anyone's looking for a Graphic Designer , Office Boy/Admin..etc or anywhere close to
these 2 jobs..please inform me..

Oh yar..
Please check out my band's MySpace acc (Metal band)
www.myspace.com/DraconisInfernum

Thank you very much
Au Revoir
-Crimson

The Entwined Feel...

2007-01-09T02:10:00.000+08:00

Things are going well..
but why is it that my feelings are still left entwined?
She is with me but she isn't..
hmm..
probably the depressive mood area now..
kinda emo now..
what the hell..

"Days have past..
Feelings that fast...
Embracing the impossible..
Deluded by reality..
Dreams of illusion..
Too good to be real..
Too real to be fake..
Too fake to be good..
I'll spill my blood over my words..
To thicken the voice of my heart..
The Advent of The Queen..
The Fall Of The Heart..
I'm prepared..
The rivalary is on..
Insanity unleashed..
Aggression persist...
Speak to penetrate...
Merciless to live..
Tears embarked to my skin..
I yearn for your hands..
Thy hands are above me..
My Blood's meant for thee..
If you're frozen alive..
I'd freeze myself to be with you..
To feel the pain you're going through..
Your warm blood....
-Embrace..."
- CrimsonWolf

Maybe i should smile and feel like that more often..

Ponders That Came Through..

2007-01-01T05:13:00.000+08:00

Hmm..i was just wondering for you so-called christians out there with totally no offence..
but based with all that man made informations that you guys have been praying to..

how would you ever know if Lucifer really isn't Jesus?
i mean..if there REALLY is a god that you believe..
he's the creator of everythin..
and for all you know..
he might just be the villian in his story..
i mean..
they both have the same goatee , long hair..
sharp features..
there's a resemblence of Evil and Holyness..
Enough of this..
On 1 of Jan 20-fuckin-07
i was talkin to Skye when we came across this topic
of Harlequin..
i went on to search..
and...........

yeah..this is a Harlequin Fetus..
it looks freaky at first sight and might scar your life forever..
but look..
this is resulted because of a disorder that the dad of this poor
baby..
i mean..
look at this picture..
its not like YOU would wanna be born like that
and then die within the next few days..
go check it up more in yahoo searches..
search on Harlequin Fetus..
its sad *reality check

Well..its 20-fuckin-07..
like i said..
its so fast...
when i look back..
20-fuckin-07 always seem so far away and out of reach..
and now..?
i am fuckin typin this damn entry on the 1st of Jan 20-fuckin-07
tsk tsk..
Happy Fuckin New Year to you peeps..
Hope that as time goes by..
this harsh reality will just slow down and live in dreams instead..
and of course..
as time goes by..
i'll still remain ageless..

And i just found out whats a "Goatse"..
abit slow..
but better than never..

Nihilistic Hate is now known as Draconis Infernum

2006-12-29T02:28:00.000+08:00

The Life That Lives In Reality..

2006-12-29T02:02:00.001+08:00

We live in life..
Life lives in Reality..
Reality lives in cruelty..

i accept that fact..

we have a heart
and
we have a mind..

both have a mind of their own..
but which would you heed?

If you have a choice..

Would you live as a Poor but rich person..

Or

as a Rich but poor person..?

for me..
i would and always will choose the second..

The poor can be rich..

But there's only one right person for you in life..

(A stray wolf..will always remain as a stray..)

The Mutiliation...

2006-12-25T04:51:00.000+08:00

i did not realise how ugly i've becAme..

just 5 mins ago before writing this..i came out of the shower..
looked into the mirror..

i saw someone not me...

he looks hideous..
a michael jackson clone..
a monkey's ass inside out..

i did not realise how fugly i've becomed..

wrinkles..dark eye rings..
break outs...
My lips looks like i had a failed liposuction treatment..
like 2 pieces of lard..

i'm starting to look hideous already..
without me even startin the piercings..

it sure upsets and depresses someone...
after they realise how fugly they have becAme without
realisation..

i should think twice bout going after S now..

i look hideous...

tsk..what's happening to me..

Pigs shouldn't think too much.

Picture That Speaks A Thousand Words..

2006-12-23T02:57:00.000+08:00

What's there more to say?

Nihilistic Hate's getting progress..
Spiral Fall's still waiting for baybeats reply..
The other 2 bands are still pending..
Meanwhile..
i found out what was wrong all these while..
hahahaha
i've always been with the wrong person..
explains why the pains...
oh well..
i'm back by her but not hers..

i'm more than happy

its funny how some people call u a degrading dirt..
and then weeks later telling you that it still hurts(you leaving them)
well..
Attention seeker?
i have no idea..
what i know is..
i found my direction..
and my past emotions and sympathy were instantly killed by her
no one but her..
=)
L..

i'm back on my path..

-CrimsonWolf

Now Playing : Nihilistic Hate - Demo Track 2

2006-12-23T02:36:00.000+08:00

Nihilistic Hate & SpiralFall

2006-12-13T04:58:00.000+08:00

woohoo~!

had jamming with Nihilistic Hate today..
has been awhile ever since i jammed with them
i've always been waiting for a taste of metal back to my tongue again
it was pretty damn good for me.
considering one fact that made it fun
was that everyone there are friends..
no strangers..
FEELS GOOD!!

SpiralFall's coming back to action real soon..

tsk tsk tsk..
so happy..11p.m - 4.25a.m
i had the best talk in my life
AhahAHahahahAHAhahahahhahaha

The Metal Fest : Extreme Metal |||

2006-12-11T05:01:00.000+08:00

i missed out Absence Of The Sacred's slot on saturday..i pretty much only went down to check out AoTs , Joel's band , Progeria..but progeria..Tommy's left the band..so it was pretty much like..one band..that i initially wanted to watch..but Oshiego wasn't that band..and i fuckin elbowed someone in da forehead in the fuckin mosh pit..and it felt that damn good..

my frickin neck hurts like fucking shit..
too much headbanging yesterday i guess..

geez..i feel really old now...

those mats..although might good and stuff..but they're still damn retarded..
they moshed and stuff...
fuckin pissed off..
i was happily headbanging..
they came and push me and stuff..
fuckin shit..
i threw my cup of ice at them and started to push em to the ground..

whoa~!!

i've STRENGTH!!!
so i continued..until i got really pissed i elbowed to my right...
*WHAP*

wah lan..

don't know kena who...

wasted..

it was supposingly to be "moshing"

it happened again la..
i got pissed...i held my fist up..
i guess those mats saw it..
whhahahaha
didn't really got close to me..

it was retarded..but the music was not bad..
gonna jam with Chris on wed again...\m/

inferal wars..

The Surveys..

2006-12-07T05:15:00.000+08:00

i do not know why..
i keep getting approached by survery people..
i mean..there were like so many people around me..
they had to point me out of the crowd..
shitheads..
i probably look like that to them :

it is always the "SAVINGS SURVEY" thing
fuckin shit..
to make it worst..
they are mostly females..
Fuck la..
i'd have drawn out the whole scene..
but aiya..too pissed to do so..
Fuck shit

The Retardation...

2006-12-06T01:51:00.000+08:00

you know..i've never met such a moron before..
probably the only one i know so far..

MYSELF!!!!!!

ARGGG!!!!!
ROAR!!!!!
i swear to god..
i ought to slam my head to the wall so hard now
i deserve a big kick to the rear..
damn shit!!!
i'm a frickin moron...

i'm probably the only one who does it all the time..

after getting drenched slightly today..
i rushed home immediately..
while waiting for her to be done with her stuff..
so that i can talk to her..
i frickin fell asleep!!!!
she messaged!!!
I FRICKIN FELL ASLEEP!!!
and the worst thing...
I WOKE UP TO READ
I TYPED OUT A REPLY
I THOUGHT I SENT IT..

i thought..
i thought...
i thought....
FUCK LA!!!
THIS SHIT HAPPENED TO ME SO MANY TIMES!!!
WHAT THE HELL!!!!
ARGGGGGGG

i was looking forward to talk to her ar..
i'm such a moron to ruin things even when i try..
grrrr...
i shouldn't be allowed to live..
damn shit..

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ARGGGGG
I'M SO PISSED AT MYSELF!!!!!!!

i just remembered....
AND I PUT NEO'S AEROPLANE!!!!!
AND ELSON'S!!!!!!!
JUST BECAUSE OF THAT NAP!!!!!!
ARGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can just die over and over again
with that reason i'm a moron..
and with that reason
after i'm dead in this world..
i'd still be able to die in my next life
over and over again..
ARGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MORON!!!!!!

The Disbeliefs In Beliefs..

2006-12-04T01:25:00.000+08:00

i just found out..that if high is Gauged a 100..
the feeling at 60 feels rather good too..
just pop in 15 mild sleeping pills..
it feels as though you're floating..
your mind's outer-space..
but clear..
that's what makes it more fun...
you get see see everything with a
80% clear mind and you'll remember everything..
you won't die though..
(P:S : not advisable to use it for suicides..
all that will happen is you wake up after 6 hours..
and the things mentioned above)

you know how things are now...
situations and this harsh society changes you into someone..
someone whom you aren't really are..

initially..i was a gullible person who falls for everyone's words..
but now..
i am someone who doubts everyone including my mom..
cause it was due to some situations that made me feel..
that the whole world betrayed me..
including myself..
i became a person who hated myself

initially..
you might have been someone who trusted on feelings..
trusted your heart..
trusted emotions..
but it is because of bastards like me..
who turns you around..
it is not you chose not to believe anymore..

its more like you do not know what to believe anymore..
and there's no reason strong enough for you to believe..
in your heart...you'd really love to believe on somethings..
but it is just that scars have created a phobia and a barrier over the you screaming within...

but you have to know..
the real you still lives within..

i too am like that..
i do not know what to believe..
but i still chose to follow the voice of my heart..
sometimes i know the outcomes and facts..
but i chose not to believe it..
i chose to believe this dumb self..
it was like looking into the mirror and telling it..
"You're a dumb loser"

i was overly obssessed with Death for a period of time
that i had Death engraved onto my skin..
i once believed that death was the answer to everything..
cause why?
cause everyone told me it wasn't the answer..
how would they know?
have they died before?
i was so fascinated..
i imagined how death was like..
i drew it out..
even when i look at those pictures..
i freak myself out..
as though i was in a trance..

that me still lingers within..

but now..
i am fascinated with Death still..
but i am quite afraid of it..
why?
i am afraid i'd never wake up to find out more
fun things to do..
(drinking up water through your nose .
coughing out blood after countless forced vomittings ,
taking blood tests , looking at blood flowing out during a tattoo,
Candles , going to gigs , performances ,
headbang till my neck's half broken , get beaten up into a pulp
jamming , drumming , tattooing..etc..etc)
and lastly..

i'm afraid i'd never see you again..