Nihilistic Hate is now known as Draconis Infernum

The Life That Lives In Reality..

We live in life..
Life lives in Reality..
Reality lives in cruelty..

i accept that fact..

we have a heart
and
we have a mind..

both have a mind of their own..
but which would you heed?


If you have a choice..

Would you live as a Poor but rich person..

Or

as a Rich but poor person..?







for me..
i would and always will choose the second..



The poor can be rich..





But there's only one right person for you in life..

(A stray wolf..will always remain as a stray..)

The Mutiliation...

i did not realise how ugly i've becAme..

just 5 mins ago before writing this..i came out of the shower..
looked into the mirror..



i saw someone not me...


he looks hideous..
a michael jackson clone..
a monkey's ass inside out..


i did not realise how fugly i've becomed..

wrinkles..dark eye rings..
break outs...
My lips looks like i had a failed liposuction treatment..
like 2 pieces of lard..


i'm starting to look hideous already..
without me even startin the piercings..

it sure upsets and depresses someone...
after they realise how fugly they have becAme without
realisation..

i should think twice bout going after S now..

i look hideous...

tsk..what's happening to me..

Pigs shouldn't think too much.

Picture That Speaks A Thousand Words..

What's there more to say?








Nihilistic Hate's getting progress..
Spiral Fall's still waiting for baybeats reply..
The other 2 bands are still pending..
Meanwhile..
i found out what was wrong all these while..
hahahaha
i've always been with the wrong person..
explains why the pains...
oh well..
i'm back by her but not hers..


i'm more than happy

its funny how some people call u a degrading dirt..
and then weeks later telling you that it still hurts(you leaving them)
well..
Attention seeker?
i have no idea..
what i know is..
i found my direction..
and my past emotions and sympathy were instantly killed by her
no one but her..
=)
L..

i'm back on my path..

-CrimsonWolf

Now Playing : Nihilistic Hate - Demo Track 2

Nihilistic Hate & SpiralFall

woohoo~!

had jamming with Nihilistic Hate today..
has been awhile ever since i jammed with them
i've always been waiting for a taste of metal back to my tongue again
it was pretty damn good for me.
considering one fact that made it fun
was that everyone there are friends..
no strangers..
FEELS GOOD!!

SpiralFall's coming back to action real soon..


tsk tsk tsk..
so happy..11p.m - 4.25a.m
i had the best talk in my life
AhahAHahahahAHAhahahahhahaha

The Metal Fest : Extreme Metal |||

i missed out Absence Of The Sacred's slot on saturday..i pretty much only went down to check out AoTs , Joel's band , Progeria..but progeria..Tommy's left the band..so it was pretty much like..one band..that i initially wanted to watch..but Oshiego wasn't that band..and i fuckin elbowed someone in da forehead in the fuckin mosh pit..and it felt that damn good..

my frickin neck hurts like fucking shit..
too much headbanging yesterday i guess..



geez..i feel really old now...


those mats..although might good and stuff..but they're still damn retarded..
they moshed and stuff...
fuckin pissed off..
i was happily headbanging..
they came and push me and stuff..
fuckin shit..
i threw my cup of ice at them and started to push em to the ground..

whoa~!!

i've STRENGTH!!!
so i continued..until i got really pissed i elbowed to my right...
*WHAP*

wah lan..

don't know kena who...

wasted..

it was supposingly to be "moshing"

it happened again la..
i got pissed...i held my fist up..
i guess those mats saw it..
whhahahaha
didn't really got close to me..

it was retarded..but the music was not bad..
gonna jam with Chris on wed again...\m/


inferal wars..

The Surveys..

i do not know why..
i keep getting approached by survery people..
i mean..there were like so many people around me..
they had to point me out of the crowd..
shitheads..
i probably look like that to them :














it is always the "SAVINGS SURVEY" thing
fuckin shit..
to make it worst..
they are mostly females..
Fuck la..
i'd have drawn out the whole scene..
but aiya..too pissed to do so..
Fuck shit

The Retardation...

you know..i've never met such a moron before..
probably the only one i know so far..


MYSELF!!!!!!


ARGGG!!!!!
ROAR!!!!!
i swear to god..
i ought to slam my head to the wall so hard now
i deserve a big kick to the rear..
damn shit!!!
i'm a frickin moron...

i'm probably the only one who does it all the time..

after getting drenched slightly today..
i rushed home immediately..
while waiting for her to be done with her stuff..
so that i can talk to her..
i frickin fell asleep!!!!
she messaged!!!
I FRICKIN FELL ASLEEP!!!
and the worst thing...
I WOKE UP TO READ
I TYPED OUT A REPLY
I THOUGHT I SENT IT..

i thought..
i thought...
i thought....
FUCK LA!!!
THIS SHIT HAPPENED TO ME SO MANY TIMES!!!
WHAT THE HELL!!!!
ARGGGGGGG


i was looking forward to talk to her ar..
i'm such a moron to ruin things even when i try..
grrrr...
i shouldn't be allowed to live..
damn shit..

@#%)(@^*)$@*^)@($*^)!#@*(^@
@$%*()#$U^%)*@$%)(@*%)(*^@
mailto:!#$!&#*$Y!@*$!@*$&!*(##@!$#@!
#@!$#^%!#%^#^$%^$#!$#^%&
!#%^&&*^(*$^#^$%#%%$%$^%
&$^&#$%&#&%$^&*%&(%&%)$^
#%^#%^#&%#^$&$^*$*$^*$*



ARGGGGG
I'M SO PISSED AT MYSELF!!!!!!!

i just remembered....
AND I PUT NEO'S AEROPLANE!!!!!
AND ELSON'S!!!!!!!
JUST BECAUSE OF THAT NAP!!!!!!
ARGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can just die over and over again
with that reason i'm a moron..
and with that reason
after i'm dead in this world..
i'd still be able to die in my next life
over and over again..
ARGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MORON!!!!!!

The Disbeliefs In Beliefs..

i just found out..that if high is Gauged a 100..
the feeling at 60 feels rather good too..
just pop in 15 mild sleeping pills..
it feels as though you're floating..
your mind's outer-space..
but clear..
that's what makes it more fun...
you get see see everything with a
80% clear mind and you'll remember everything..
you won't die though..
(P:S : not advisable to use it for suicides..
all that will happen is you wake up after 6 hours..
and the things mentioned above)



you know how things are now...
situations and this harsh society changes you into someone..
someone whom you aren't really are..

initially..i was a gullible person who falls for everyone's words..
but now..
i am someone who doubts everyone including my mom..
cause it was due to some situations that made me feel..
that the whole world betrayed me..
including myself..
i became a person who hated myself

initially..
you might have been someone who trusted on feelings..
trusted your heart..
trusted emotions..
but it is because of bastards like me..
who turns you around..
it is not you chose not to believe anymore..

its more like you do not know what to believe anymore..
and there's no reason strong enough for you to believe..
in your heart...you'd really love to believe on somethings..
but it is just that scars have created a phobia and a barrier over the you screaming within...

but you have to know..
the real you still lives within..


i too am like that..
i do not know what to believe..
but i still chose to follow the voice of my heart..
sometimes i know the outcomes and facts..
but i chose not to believe it..
i chose to believe this dumb self..
it was like looking into the mirror and telling it..
"You're a dumb loser"

i was overly obssessed with Death for a period of time
that i had Death engraved onto my skin..
i once believed that death was the answer to everything..
cause why?
cause everyone told me it wasn't the answer..
how would they know?
have they died before?
i was so fascinated..
i imagined how death was like..
i drew it out..
even when i look at those pictures..
i freak myself out..
as though i was in a trance..

that me still lingers within..

but now..
i am fascinated with Death still..
but i am quite afraid of it..
why?
i am afraid i'd never wake up to find out more
fun things to do..
(drinking up water through your nose .
coughing out blood after countless forced vomittings ,
taking blood tests , looking at blood flowing out during a tattoo,
Candles , going to gigs , performances ,
headbang till my neck's half broken , get beaten up into a pulp
jamming , drumming , tattooing..etc..etc)
and lastly..




i'm afraid i'd never see you again..

The Me Whom I Am Not..

well the thought of leavin The Heaven is good..
and to think i left a special place for her in my heart..

she became psychotic all over again..

To L : "..i swear to god..
although mistakes and guilts that have been created..
BUT i still do not deserve what you have been doing to me
and what you did..
you have such an evil mouth...
you posted on forums bout our conversations...
not only that..you've constantly putting words into my mouth..
and you've been acting as though you're damn poor thing..
you called up and to say you're gonna "TELL" me something..
when actually you're giving me a fucked up attitude..
and to say i'm a dirt?..
ho ho ho...
i tell you..
if by doing what i have done..
and i'm dirt..

then by what you have done..
shouldn't you be called a shameless slut?
moreover..
i've tried to tolerate..
stop fucking threatening me you understand?
cause you do know..
but being in offensive mode at me..
you're just gonna die over and over again..
you got me?

so please..leave me the fuck alone..
i never want to have anything to do with you ever again..
your damn fucking words have tainted every single feeling i have..
no one i went together with said these kinda stuffs to me..
you think you're good..that's your prob..

you're nothing but a memory to me now..
get it?
all i have now inside me is SL..
will you please stop talking as though i'm still yours?
no one ever insulted me that bad enough for me to rant on my blog..
cause i always believe in other's privacy..
BUT YOU?!

you're a fucking nutcase i swear..
if you appeared in my dreams in the past..
i'd have hugged you..

but now..
if you appear in my dreams..
i'd fucking kill you over and over..
you get me?
This Merciless , Heartless and Tainted me..
is the same Me you created out..
how do you like it??
being treated so heartlessly??

limitations have thier limits..
THAT'S WHY ITS CALLED LIMITATIONS YOU DUMB FUCK!!!

no matter how flunked as a boyfriend i am..
i was never known to a failure at it..
but YOU..
you fucking called me a dirt..
degraded you..
HELLO FOR GOD'S SAKE..
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE CLASS OF HIGH!!
DON'T GO THINKING YOU'RE SOME HIGH CLASS BITCH..
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT!!!
even the road sweeper aunt has more class than you..
AT LEAST SHE DON'T BRAG ABOUT SOMETHING HUMILIATING..

come on..just go to your DICKY boy..
maybe your mind's too simple and childish..
you need younger guys..
i'm too complicated for you..
you understand?
THIS IS THE ME YOU'VE CREATED YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!
THE ME WHOM I NEVER WANTED TO BE
THANKS TO YOU..
I AM LIKE THIS!!!
u need more brainless people around you..

in that way you will feel more smart..

tsk..

first..you were telling me..how much you love me..

next..you told me what a degrading dirt i am..

puhleeeease...

in that case...you have degraded yourself..
you agreed to be my girlfriend in the past..
no force
only your willingness..
and my stupidity

i can't stand any of this contradiction from you anymore..
i didn't not ask you to do alot of things..
but yet you volunteered to do it..
and now you're fuckin blaming me and accusing me of using you?!
how sweet...

the sweetest girl ever alive..


THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND THE FUCKING SHIT YOU LEFT ME INTO YOU FUCKING CHILDISH DIRT..

ENOUGH...

i shall rest..
people are reading..

most of them know who you are..
and definitely..
they know me..

i should give u some face..
if i were to rant all the way..
won't i be as shameless as you?.."