Torments That Makes Me High..

haven't been eating well for the past few days..
maybe like..1/16 of my usual appetite..?
thats like 2 chicken wings without the drumlets
hah
that was dinner last night..
she didn't call..
i didn't eat..

HAH

i just have no appetite and i do what i say..
but oh man..
i have no idea how the hell my body works..
cause these pains..which were MEANT to be tormenting..
feels so good..
i end up laughing to myself..

it's a painful satisfaction nearly overcoming sex..
well..i sound a little psychotic here don't i?
but i have this fetish for pain..
not like i can help it..

Hahahaha

should i just turn my head towards homosexuality?..
should i just give up now?..
i feel lost..

while i'm at it..
i should feel more pain!!!!

no no..that will just scare her back to the past..
you see...i just hope to see her..
THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE ATTEMPT
(this note's for that only person whose latest post's on suicide)

i just lost the will to do everything..
Multilate myself so i can't recognise myself..
i guess that might take these all away..

HAH



i wonder if she minds dating a gay gigolo..
hmm..
emo emo emo emo emo

those uncles should pay me good..
if they know what's GOOD stuff..
and good stuffs don't come cheap..


HAH


job offered by a friend..

hmm...i know what you're thinking..

insanity..