My Mouth Speaks Reality...

"Here i am..
Raging against myself..
Young is not i am anymore..
Start is what i should do..
Settle..is what i should start..
My life is what i should settle...
My presence's just a mere imagination to you..
I'm in fact nothing but an illusion my love..
Back in 270 days ago...
You made the right choice to leave..
Why am i being so stressed up all about?
I've no one to blame but me..
I've yet to grow a face to face the world..
All the pain..
How did you think i'd get by without you?..
My morbid sense of humour..
Makes no laughter..
I suffer the only illness..
That's been in me all these while...
Its called...Me...
My Dreams have shattered..
My Life's battered..
I'm left with the only place to go..
Reality....."

My Mouth Speaks Insomnical..

geez..for all the damn things that i could have suspected that i'm sufferin from i would have least suspected..
INSOMNIA..
argg..i was lying on me grand comfy bread from heaven..ahh...the life..
the wind of the healthy air...
my mind dying off into the tireness..
BUT MY EYES AREN'T GIVIN UP!!!
ARGGGGGGGG (*&^%$(*&#(*^%(*#%
i went for a puff..
i went to EAT..
i went to drink..
i went on using com..
i went on watching mpgs..
i went on reading..
i went on playing games..
AND STILL AWAKE?!
the time when i was still flip floppin on my bed was around already 5 plus..
and by the time i stop messin around tryin to make myself sleep..was already 7 plus..
but i feel asleep eventually..
AND WOKE UP AT 9!!!
WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!..
come to think of it..the last time i woke up at 9,relax and saw the beautiful sky of the morning..
was when i had a girlfriend and she was stayin with me..and that was frickin 2001..-.-...
hur hur hur..yeah relaax...hur hurhur..
but thats not the point..
this is not the right time for me NOT to sleep..my NOT sleeping days are on sat..
DAMN..now i've to sleep on sats!!! what a waste of time!!
ARGGGG!!!
i've been losing some of my memory cells nowadays..
hmm...i find that people around me do not know me well..
here's some points that i think that i am..might not be true..but oh well..
1 ) i'm a frickin clown and entertaining at times(but its just a mask)

2 ) i talk about pornography and sex blah blah..all the time..but seriously..
there's nothing much to it..its back to point 1..but i still do love sex when its
with the right person..

3 ) prefers to be quiet

4) black's my wife..

5) VERY important point..i'm damn FRICKIN scared and terrified of....
LIZARDS AND FROGS..please remember..

6) loneliness' grew up with me..

7) thinkin of different things every min..

8 ) short term memory..

9) love drumming..

10 ) love stoning..

11) END

yeah..through fireburn's blog u might have seen my pic..yeah and i know what you're thinkin..
i'm like a frickin 16 - 17 kid..i get this all the time...
ARGGG!!
i still can't sleep~!!!!!
i wanna get a tattoo........
i'm hungry...
i wonder do bloggers meet each other? and be REAL friends?
or do they just blog and comment unknowingly how they really are?
hmmm...
i just realised my doggie looks like a mouse..
SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!!!!!!

















* m e o w *

My Mouth Speaks Foul..

Oh Man..i can 't believe it..this is the first time i felt so fucked for so many days..ever since on Xmas eve
i wonder what the FUCK is going on with me man..i keep ranting over nothing..maybe staying at home too much
isn't a good idea to kill boredom after all..
I've a friend..17..going true some relation prob..boyfriend rich..spoilt etc etc..
I told her before..leave him..she did..but she went back to him..
She told me she "tried" but...she left him for like 1 or 2 days and went back...
But the point is..she WANTS to leave him and keeping saying she's "trying"..
I told her that she could have choosen to leave that misery but she didn't wanna listen..
Today i woke up..read her sms..
She asked..:"Hey..you said i can leave my misery..so now i've a fucked family so i should leave
them right?"
I was like...HUH?
Oh Man...are all the teenagers suppose to be like that nowadays?.. i mean its like..
You are gonna be 18 man!!! If you consider YOUR family fucked up..then what's mine considered?!?
Fuck..why is everything around me so cock up these days? like FUCK everything around me already...
Is my life meant to be filled with that damn misery that i've been going through?????
Agony that never cease..Fuck all of it..
On my birthday..my EX had to celebrated it with ME?!
What THE FUCK?! this isn't right man!!Why The FUCK is my EX celebrating with me?!
OhHHhH MAN!!!!
Xmas i was out in town doing a fucking ROUTE MARCH..
ARGGGG..
Fuck it..nothing seems intersting in life anymore..
"I feel the pointless rights to live..
I see that hands of death are calling..
Struggling to breathe..
For no one understands me..
Burning the ugly face off my face..
At a unpredictable pace..
The purity of evil..
Draws attention to the decents..
Touch it..
Feel it..
Feel the misery of life..
Touch the souls who die..
Save the others beneath..
Kill the ones relieved..
Feel that seed of hatred
Growing within the eternity
Thunders and lightnings i summon
The Demons of thy heaven..
Praise upon your name..
Slit upon my name..
Get down to my knees...
I beg for my release...
Demons replace my emptiness..
Now its part of me..
I've lost myself decades ago..
Wthin that emotionless face that lived..
Now that purity has left..
I've nothing left...
Kill me for loneliness...."

My Mouth Speaks Fuck X'mas..

Fuckin hell..
Went out with my brother to town on 24th dec night..
damn right what you're thinkin..i'm mad..because of the damn crowds..
and yes damn..the fuckin crowd's fuckin crazy pieces of nutcasesbein shoved in the ass waitin
for this day to come out throughout the year..
now you must be thinkin..
i said i hated crowds and stuff..so why in the first place right?..
cause fucking hell my friend was gonna being his girlfriend back to stay for the night..
(for your info i'm stayin with my friend..don't ask..)
so i thought they would be back early..
so i decided to give em some privacy by forcin myself out when my other campmate
called me out..so i said ok..
anyways back to my ranting..
fucking hell..i missed all that fuckin snow bullshit in the start..
until at one point infront of fucking paragon..
someone was spraying behind me..
i looked up..i was like..:"whoa fucking hell alot of shit above me" i thought to myself..
then on the 2nd thought..i was like..FUCK?! ABOVE ME?!
and yeah...it FUCKIN landed ALL on ME!!!
yeah if that wasn't bad enough..i turned around..some bitch ass fuckinthearse cockster sprayed directly into my face.. whoa fuck lo..winner..
so me and ma peeps went to some wulusami corner to chill while waiting for thier girlfriends to come..
Guess what?..
they bought em "guns"..
guess what?
"FIRE!!!!" directly at me again..
i bought 3..
FIRE!!!
i fired at my bro..
he fired into my mouth......
Good game...
talk about washin my mouth with soap
i was all soapy after that..EcK!!
dammit..after that we went on doing nuts..
Fuckin shit..
Fuckin Christmas..

ECK!! its like getting "cumshotted" in the face by an unknown person..FUCK LAR~!!!!!!..cb..grrr..*grumbles*...i'm a damn free frag..

My Mouth Speaks End..

Finally back to my hive..
Bah its so fast..i'm in army for a year now man..got hair liao..
end of year already..christmas coming..new year approaching..
i don't know why..
i hate christmas..its not like..i dunno..maybe its just the envy that's getting to me..
i see so many people on e streets...couples..family..or whatever..
receiving presents..opening it so happily..i really feel envy..
cause such happiness never dropped by to say hi to me..for a very long time now..
i may be hangin out with ma peeps on christmas..but am i happy?..
Positively no..
times like that..really make me wanna tear..but..i'm just too numb to drop one..
its girly right?..bleah..
i dunno..i hate countdowns..i hate parties..
i've lost the feel of fun for all these joy..
maybe because i'm just not worth it?..hahahahhaa
i don't really care..just hope january comes asap..
when everyone goes back to thier hostile state i won't be such an oddball anymore..
Anyways..
Merry Christmas and a Happy Joyful New Year to whoever's readin Dogsoup's Haven..
Cheers~

My Mouth Speaks Dogsoup's Haven

"Period and period of time passing..
Feel the wind gushing..
Looking across the horizon..
Waiting and waiting for dawn..
Memories of slits and flows..
Memories of setbacks and blows..
Am i who i am now?..
Trying to get my mind right..
Is such a dreadful fright..
Waiting and searching for the love i seek..
Am i really such a geek?
The love i devoid..
The love that i void..
The evil building in me..
That holyness withering might be..
The hatred growing within..
That world that i'm in..
The tears i've dropped..
That drop of abyss been blocked..
The gate that i'm behind..
That person i've been too kind..
The feeling of being numb..
That very person whom i am..
Now that its been concluded..
This is where the lust for love and the evil within meets..
Welcome to my world.."

My Mouth Speaks Split

Don't know whats wrong with me lately...
Been feeling sick..
Been feelin down..
Been don't know what the fuck..
One min i'm me..
The next i'm not..
Headaches..
Dizziness..
Tummy cramps..
Gastric pains..
I think i'm a girl in my past life...
Feel fucked...can't seem to locate the probelm though..
Hmm...what will be YOUR aim in life after you've know when's your death?.
Sigh..not that i'm saying i have an illness or something...
But questions like..
"Whats beyond the universe?"
"Why must there be lust?"
"Why is there and what is that Pleasure in sexual intercourses?"
"What is this that i'm living in?"
"Who am i?"
These questions come like the wind...i don't even needa think bout it..just comes naturally..
I've fear...for lizards and frogs..
"Fear of own..
Die in a throne
Often mistaken..
Feelings all beaten..
Love's just an illusion..
That i can't feel or see..
He's screaming...
Help me...
Help me......"
I hate love...really.....

My Mouth Speaks Stupidity!!

Ok..today..is one heckva painful day for me (Friday)....
Right knee got blue black..
Right ear deaf with that "eEeEeE" sound..
Right cheek rammed..
It all started out when i went for the "Matador"(an anti-armoured-vehicle bazooka that weighs 9 kg and honestly..its bigger than me..) live-firing..
I was one of the snooks that's soooo "lucky" to be choosen to shoot the real thing and the fake one..
I was totally clueless bout the impact...
Its hard to explain..i made some pictures...
Hope you can understand the situation..











Pic 1 : An Introduction
Pic 2 : The officer screaming "FIRE"












Pic 3 : "Instructions shown above"
Pic 4 : I press the trigger happily.......












Pic 5 : *Covered with smoke and injuries*
Pic 6 : The outcome.......

Yeah...so thats the whole scene...
Even until now..
My Right ear's still deaf with that stupid "eEeEeEee" sound..
Damn..

My Mouth Speaks Sight...

You have a mouth..
She has a throat..
He has the breath..
But its always the eyes..
That does the most talking...
It may seem to be a pair of innocent eyes..
To the ignorant , naive ones..
Please don't deceive them..
They have trusted in you...
Feel is how he feels...
No motivation..
No emotion..
Failure?
Departure..
I wave goodbye...
To someone called Joy..
Numb...
Numb....
Numb.
He hates himself..
He blames himself..
He ruins himself..
Sigh...

My Mouth Speaks Saturdays..

Sigh..i don't know why..every saturday's a bad day for me..i feel really crappy on saturdays...feelin inferior..feelin lousy basically..no motivation to do anything at all...smoking myself to death..bah..feeling the regrets..i miss my mommy i don't know why all of a sudden..maybe i haven't seen her for sometime..i feel like being the little kid i used to be..i miss my childhood days..where mommy was always beside you when you cry looking for her..bah...a little voice of myself screaming somewhere in me..wanting to be out..feel like crying..but..can't..its too hard..i miss suelin..the only regret was to leave her..=\ ...but whats gone should be gone right?..i don't know..currently in my mind now..i'm just going ARGgGgGGGggGG!!!!*Rips off hair* i'm such a stupid person..bah...i went out today..hoping to feel better..but bah~~no difference..i still feel crappy inside...every month i get this feeling..i know what you are thinking..pms right? no lo..i don't know la..i'm rather lost and screwed now..hey~! no vulgarities..i'm surprised...i miss my doggy..i miss grandma..i hope she's fine up there...argg...i shouldn't be born..i'm a waste..a pollution,corruption to this society...people get pissed with other people..but i get pissed with myself..=\ bleah..
By the way..
Blueapple:i left a comment in yr blog...i don't know if i landed at the right place..but i remembered i left a comment...

My Mouth Speaks Finally..

YeaH~ finally back...damn it was a long 2 weeks bein stuck in camp..bleah..thank you spinee and blueapple for the console =D
sigh..2 weeks..much happened..everythin's back to sqaure one... just when everythin got better...why? why is life always like that?..is life always so miserable and coincidental?..or is it just mine?..sigh..as if things weren't bad enough..memories came back to haunt..=\ what can i do?..nothin..so helpless and hopeless..i tried and tried..climbed up..got pushed down again...like all the way down...back into the bottomless pit again..ArG!!..complaints and more complaints...the real me speaks up here..but back into reality..everythin's so different..why do i have to hide here?...so pathetic...i'm just screamin for help out to my other two selves...they wanna pull me up but..its the society that's refrainin them..sigh..tears have dried up in my eyes...i can shed nothin but painless blood..

My Mouth Speaks Memories...

"Are memories meant to be dreadful?
Are memories meant to be painful?
No , I'm not that sane but i'm not insane..
My only regret was to lose my greatest catch..
What goes around..Comes Around...
Feelin Numb..
Feelin Old..
My life's like a piece of decaying mould..
Twisted...
Disfigured...
Rotten..
And thrown away....
Seen the face of pain..
Felt the mean of gain..
Lost the feel for love..
Gained the lust for hate..
Anger through the mind...
There's no one of my kind...
Here i'm in my line..
Hopin to find my fine..
Bleedin wings i see..
And whom might thee be?..
Never felt so free..
Death is meant for me..
Memories returns to haunt..
What have i done that taunts?..
Pictures of thy happiness...
Glanced with the mood of sadness..
Thy tears aren't for me...
My Blood's meant for thee..."